I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Two words: nipple clamps
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