i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
