I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
