Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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