I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
