She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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