Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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