I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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