I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
