You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
