he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
