I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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