Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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