Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Randomize
