She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
