Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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