Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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