Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
