So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
