Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
