if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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