I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
