were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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