I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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