Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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