Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
