My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
