This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
