lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
