I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
zippers are such a cool invention
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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