I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
