i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
