I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
