stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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