If i come over, it means nothing
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
