I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
