so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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