And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
