i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
