why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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