ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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