i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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