I skipped work to stalk him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
