marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
