the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize