At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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