Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
