i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
