can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
