If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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