he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
