Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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