i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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