Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
