A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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