got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
