That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
