You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
barbara walters just said penis...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
