I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
