My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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