Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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