i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
