Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
