That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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