Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my sisters under your porch take her home
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
