did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
