I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
