We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
