I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
