She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
